The Great Repression
It’s being called the ‘silent crisis.’ The ‘sleeper issue.’ It’s masked depression in men.
Sam Fiorella is forcing himself to talk about his son and depression: “It’s not easy for me as a man,” he says.
Fiorella, co-founder of the Friendship Bench, an organisation that encourages secondary and post-secondary schools to talk about mental health, lost his son, Lucas, to suicide two years ago.
As a result, Fiorella employed himself as a support for family and friends, which caused him to neglect his own mental health. “As time passes I realize that not taking the time to grieve only exasperated my own grief,” Fiorella says who felt his physical and mental health waning at the time.
Fiorella’s son, Lucas, was a student at Carleton University studying robotics. He had a good group of friends and a steady relationship with his girlfriend. When he died, the Fiorella family and their friends were bewildered – Lucas had said nothing and had shown no signs of depression.
Lucas falls into a damning statistic.
On their website, the Canadian Mental Health Association says that men account for four out of five suicides.
Though women are more likely to be diagnosed with depression, men are more likely to die from it. “The mortality rate due to suicide among men is four times the rate among women,” says the CMHA online.
Depression is a treatable disease, but is often ignored or passes unnoticed as in Fiorella’s case.
“I did fall into a depression myself for a while after my son’s death,” says Fiorella who still struggles with bouts of depression. “It was when I noticed others getting better and that I was getting worse, that I realized I had to start focusing a little more on myself.”
Fiorella’s mental illnesses went unnoticed; however, he realized that the pressures of being a support for his family wasn’t a healthy, long-term coping mechanism.
“In general it’s no question that it’s harder for men,” Fiorella says. “Sharing feelings is more difficult for men and we do have societal and cultural pressures to be ‘the man of the house’.”
He’s talking about the stigma men struggle with when facing their own mental illnesses.
“The general stigma is that men should not show weakness,” says Don McCreary, an independent men’s health consultant who studies and educates people on the topic.
As a consequence, men dismiss having depression, as they might appear weak or inferior to outsiders, he says.
Dr. John Ogrodniczuk, a Psychiatry professor at the University of British Columbia and a member of HeadsUp Guys, a group focused on helping men with depression, attributes these problems to masculinity.
“Gender socialization can be good things about masculine aspects that men buy into and bad things,” Ogrodniczuk says.
The “bad things” he mentions about masculinity (commonly known as “toxic masculinity”) are instilled in men at a young age from external figures like parents or friends. Once the roots of manliness have deepened, the affects can be devastating.
Studies have captured one such affect. They’ve found that, though men accept depression as a legitimate illness in other men, individuals are less likely to accept their own depression. In other words, “men are much harder on themselves,” says Ogrodniczuk.
The consequences of this stigma follow men in various areas, from the research done on men’s mental health to treatment for it.
“[We have to] understand that there is no one man in terms of one man’s mental health,” McCreary says. There are at-risk groups that fall outside the average that may need different attention, he says. “You have to work with that community to develop better intervention strategies.”
Dr. Michael Myers, a clinical professor at SUNY-Downstate Medical Center in Brooklyn, NY and practicing psychiatrist says stigma follows men into the doctor’s office.
A physician may not fully grasp why a patient delayed going for help, or why they aren’t so forthcoming says Myers.
Education and awareness are the best combatants to the stigma men with depression battle, McCreary says.
Work done by educators and activists in the mental health community have progressed the conversation and appearance of depression in men.
“What [Fiorella] is doing is not only important, it really helps people on their journey of healing,” Myers says.
After Lucas died, Fiorella says he felt like he had to stifle the hurt and pain of his loss to support his family.
“You can’t remain silent,” he says.
