Post-partum depression in men
“Fathers are supposed to be strong and not show any weakness. Also they don’t get asked very often.”
Lemord Anderson has been married for eight years. Last year, he became the general manager at CIBC. He had his first kid in February because he thought it was the right time. Now, holding his eight-month-old son, he says it’s actually better than what he imagined.
“It’s nice to see someone that you are responsible for, and he’s part of you. This person relies on you for care, guidance, advice, and so on. You can see them build their own individuality,” says Lemord.
However, not all fathers are as prepared as Anderson. Some see having babies as surprises or gifts so they accept them. But those who are not prepared may find it difficult to enjoy the experience.
According to Bernadette Kint, the manager of Child Health and Development at Toronto Public Health, postpartum depression can happen during pregnancy or within one year after giving birth.
“Postpartum depression is really not that different from depression at any other time. The only thing women do experience a slightly more is the symptoms of anxiety. ” Kint says.
The symptoms are very similar to normal depression says Kint. Feelings include a ‘low’ mood, sadness, irritability, restlessness and a lack of motivation in things the person used to find enjoyable.
About 10 per cent of fathers in Canada suffer from postpartum depression says Kint. But very few of them are diagnosed and given care.
Dad Central Ontario is a nonprofit consulting organization that provides training and resources for programs working with fathers and families. “Fathers are supposed to be strong and not show any weakness,” says Brian Russell, the provincial coordinator of Dad Central Ontario. “Also they don’t get asked very often.”
Even if they do seek help, there is not as much support from social institutions for fathers as there is for mothers.
Some of the symptoms for Postpartum depression including but not limited to:
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Always crying
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Always in low mood and not happy
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Things used to enjoy not enjoyable any more
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Don’t want to see or breastfeed the baby
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For fathers, they will spend more time on work or with friends outside instead of going home
Toronto Public Health provides various parenting programs for couples who are about to have children. It also offers special sessions for mothers to deal with depression during pregnancy and after giving birth. Fathers can attend classes to learn how to recognize if the new mother is suffering from depression. But classes for fathers experiencing postpartum depression are not available.
“The women will go through a process, we make an assessment, we give a referral, we then give them one-on-one support,” Kint says as she introduces their depression adjustment program.
Pregnant mothers diagnosed with depression will gather as a group for a 12-week assisting class. Their partners will be invited to some of the classes, as well.
“Then we will bring up the topic of postpartum depression possibility in the men,” she says. After the father’s consultation, they will refer them for further treatment.
There are many reasons why fathers may develop postpartum depression, Kint says and the largest contributor is feeling excluded from the relationship between the mother and the baby.
“The mother and the baby had the reason to be close and together, and the father will just go to work and come home, so he’s not getting a lot of joy out of it.”
She says that fathers are more likely to enjoy parenting once the baby starts to respond to them.
Not wanting to spend time at home is a major symptom of postpartum depression in men, Russell says. They tend to work more or make excuses to leave home because it has turned into a place that makes them feel depressed and overwhelmed.
The transition into fatherhood isn’t easy. In order to be prepared and be better parents, Anderson and his wife tried to eat healthier. They even reduced their alcohol consumption and stopped going to clubs, despite their love for music.
“I make sure I’m involved with my wife and my child. I would advise other husbands to take care of their wives, make sure they go to classes together and that they are part of the process,” Anderson says.
Where can you find help when you have postpartum depression as a father?
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Go to parent school with your partner and get help from there
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As postpartum depression is a kind of depression, consult a psychologist
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St. Joseph Hospital has some specialties in dealing with father’s depression, check there
Always talk to someone understand the situation and can offer some help, don’t hesitate to share your feeling.
There’s also a mutual occurrence of depression among new parents. Russell says that if the mother is suffering from postpartum depression, the father has a 50 per cent chance of getting the same problem.
“Dads burn a lot of energy physically and emotionally looking after the mom (who has depression), and holding the family together,” Russell says. “When mom gets better, that’s when father starts to feel depressed.”
According to Kint, anyone who stays with a negative thinker will be affected and start to feel sad.
Russell says many fathers are not aware they are suffering from depression. It’s not until the child is three or four years old that some fathers look back and realize that they were actually suffering from different degrees of anxiety and depression.
According to Russell, if the fathers don’t get proper guidance and treatment during that time, the sadness may grow into anger issues. They may become alcoholic, violent or even addicted to drugs. As a result, the children may be affected and feel depressed when they grow up.
Now, Anderson is preparing for his second child. This time, he wants a girl. “I don’t look at it as pressure, you always can make sacrifices in your life,” Anderson says. “Whenever we are going to have our next child, it’s not going to be ‘can we afford it?’ It’s going to be ‘all right, we are ready!’ and make some sacrifices.”
